Destruction. Rebirth.

There have been a litany of destructive periods in my life that have given birth, in progression, to the person I have become.

This will not be an autobiographical diatribe on my life. This will detail the principles behind fear of death, rebirth and courage and provide a unique context from which you will be able to re-examine your life and future decisions, should you wish to.

To begin with, death is a momentary phenomenon. By that I mean, it can happen in each moment. And indeed, in many ways, it does happen each moment, and born into the next, we hope, is a person that has grown from the lessons of the moment before. Ultimate death is furthermore a human made concept and does not exist in tangible reality. Death of the body occurs and with it, the ego, and the vehicle for the physical expression of What We Are (Spirit) through Who We Are, certainly. What We Are (Spirit), however, is deathless and exists outside of the sphere of our bodies.

I would like to expand the scope of what we commonly refer to as death, which in the western psyche is largely fear and attachment manifest. Death is not something to run away from, but to run toward. If in each moment we accept death graciously and integrate the knowledge and understanding being given to us by life through death then in each moment we are able to experience rebirth. We can then do away with fear of death and come to knowing that there is only rebirth, that What We Are is immortal, and that our growth is nestled inside of each little death that we walk towards, through, and then out the other side of.

Death is any moment that at the other side of we have integrated deeper understanding and have subsequently raised our vibrational frequency, bringing us a little closer to Home.

My limited understanding of what Home is, at this point, centers around reaching Home being equivalent to the point at which we need not incarnate physically anymore. In other words, the frequency at which we are vibrating, at the moment of reaching Home, is sufficient for eternal existence in the non-physical planes after which our responsibility becomes not to tend to our own consciousness, but rest in knowledge that we are part and parcel of a greater pure consciousness, which we discovered after stripping back ego. Our only remaining responsibility, then, is to elevate others.

Having now redefined death, Home, Who We Are and What We Are, let us now turn to an examination of the fruits of walking intentionally towards death i.e. what will destroy you. Whether it is a woman, a decision, a business opportunity, or a spiritual calling, the only relevant activities to concern yourself with are those which will destroy you and bring you closer to ultimate truth and internal growth and integration of deeper wisdom. How do you know where destruction lies? You will feel scared, alive, nervous or uncomfortable. THAT is where life begins. On the other side of the line marked fear.

This is where the war is waged. Between you and you. That is your battle ground.


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Yes it’s an ad. And it’s on point!

To become a warrior and champion of the fight that occurs on that battlefield is your only concern. My only concern.

If a woman is my destruction, if I am to meet a woman in that place, and see her as a woman and be seen as a man (and tested, and tested, and tested as one) so be it.

If chastity and solitude are my destruction, and if I am to meet chastity and solitude on that holy and beautiful war ground then so be it.

I am concerned only with holding attention on that which will elevate me. The warrior is unafraid. That I am at times afraid tells me I am yet to integrate fully that which I am coming to understand. No problem. This is my destruction. Next will be integration.

So it goes.

M

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To Be IN The Step That You’re In.

How often have you lounged back thinking about what it would be like to have “made it”? Finally, to have arrived.

Sometimes, for examples after a Bungee Jump, or a good day surfing, or after a brilliant orgasm with your new perfect lover, we feel complete, as if we have finally made it and all is as it is supposed to be.

The fundamental dysfunction of human society is the belief that “it” is somewhere else. The mad search, and tearful and violent outburst at its loss (e.g. at the end of a relationship, or when the orgasms stop coming as regularly with that perfect partner), is the child of this dysfunction, and the cause of all human unhappiness.

For you, it occurs like there is someplace you are meant to be. You have often dreamed, of a far off land, where a great warm welcome, will be waiting for you. True? (That was a line from Hercules. 10 points if you picked it up.)


https://i1.wp.com/www.cornel1801.com/disney/Hercules-Go-the-Distance/where-the-crowds-will-cheer-when-they-see-my-face.jpg
“I Can Go The Distance” from Disney’s Hercules

This place seems always to evade you. Or if you do reach it, never for long, and then you must continue the search. The job or the girlfriend was good for a while and then the gnawing came back. The grass seemed greener.

I’ve got some news for you. It doesn’t get any better. You’ll never make it. This is it. Want to know what life looks like in 40 years? This. You’ll have nicer stuff, different friends, but the same old underlying feeling of something missing.

Have you been trying to fill a God-shaped-hole with cars, sex, money, clothes, drinks, drugs, love? It wont fit. It just doesn’t. Trust.

While our consciousness is not in the current moment, we are self-sabotaging ourselves in this moment, which is the only moment that will ever exist – the future is just a projection of how this moment might be, but later on. We, therefore, fail to make any substantial progress towards the moment we envision in our heads. And then lament.

So what to do?

Well luckily above is the bad news. We take care of the bad news first because the good news takes care of itself. There is good news, too.

The good news is that you can have everything you want. Right now.

The answer is to love what you’ve got.

To bring your attention to what’s happening now. Not later.

A Warrior’s task is to concern them self with the task at hand. To move quietly and softly when necessary, and quickly and forcefully when the timing is created to do so, with attention held unceasingly on what there is to do in this moment.

In this, The Warrior is elevated. In this, The Warrior is able, then, to elevate others.

Finally, the moment once envisioned becomes reality.

But upon arriving, where you are wont matter to you. You’ve learned to be happy without it, anyway.


https://i2.wp.com/static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Observer/Columnist/Columnists/2013/3/27/1364386159959/Mike-Brodie-001.jpg
Photography by Mike Brodie

– M

To Be A Man..

Is solitude. It quietude.

To be a man is concerning oneself with what there is to do, coming from a place of stance, solidity, and foundation, such that what there is to do gets done without the drama.


Train engineer, Landi Kotal, Pakistan, 1983 Situated on the Khyber Pass, Landi Kotal is on one of the few routes through this mountainous region to the city of Peshawar. Subject to extreme weather, maintenance of the train track that serves this area is an ongoing task. McCurry portrays one of the train engineers who work in this province. Situated on the Khyber Pass, Landi Kotal is on one of the few routes through this mountainous region to the city of Peshawar. This area is subject to extreme weather, and maintenance of the train track is an ongoing task. Here, McCurry portrays one of the train engineers who work in this province. Phaidon, Iconic Images, final book_iconic, Iconic Photographs PORTRAITS_APP Iconic_Book
Train engineer, Landi Kotal, Pakistan, 1983 – Steve McCurry


It’s to be HERE.

To give oneself up to the eternal flow of all things – towards perfection.

It’s a decision. No more. More of. Here. Now.

A little boy stood in my shoes for far longer than a little boy had business being in my shoes. Until very recently, in fact. He avoided responsibility, ran amok around the world, and fundamentally failed to understand the woman inside him, and was therefore ruled by her at the cost of his masculinity.

Now in deeper knowing, there is deeper loving for her, and all women, with no need to touch and destroy. In this, masculinity is presenced.

Every moment becomes an opening deeper inside yourself. It is to take that opportunity that the moment has presented, and to embark on an eternal quest within yourself, to greater serve yourself, and then those you surround yourself with. In that order.

It isΒ an awakening to a deeper, truer matrix of truths and wisdoms.

To be so full of love as to be overflowing. Yet balanced and reserved in your appropriation of this love, however generous.

It is a life’s work, and to serve this moment.

Just choose.

Boy or man?

Man.

– M.

Passion.

Passion to me is the listless pursuit of personal expansion. There are many ways we can look to expand ourselves, either consciously or unconsciously.

For the most part, human society looks to expand itself unconsciously.

I am referring to literal expansion on a geopolitical scale, and also metaphorical expansion on an individual basis, be it of our homes, our wardrobes, our data cap, our income, our ability to get high or the number of people we have slept with, laughed with, made love to, or had follow you on Instagram.


Disturbing--Uncensored-Artworks-That-Reflect-Modern-Society
Artwork by Gunsmithcat

The need to expand, and vehicle through which it manifests, passion, stems from the fundamental belief that we are not enough, and that what we need to feel complete is elsewhere. In the next house, car, lover, paycheck, drug, chocolate bar, glass of wine or party.

Therefore, these things which we love so are held only as long as they are useful to us in making us feel complete. This is then conditional love, or lust. There is no beauty to be seen here. There is no love. And more often than not, we cyclically return to these things when we realize feeling complete isn’t elsewhere, either – an expression of utter human madness.


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Artwork by Banksy

I’ve long suspected that happiness was never to be found in some distant land, job or opportunity. My actions, however, reflected no such suspicion.

Passion without balance results, always, in unconsciousness, and the prevailing of the unconscious belief in happiness anywhere else other than here and now.

But what if we could bring balance to passion? What if what we could direct our passion away from what’s not so (a desire for material gain), and inwards towards what already is so?

Therein lays the completion to which we earlier referred. Therein lays the end of the search. Nestled inside this contentment, like a kinder surprise, is peace.

When we are passionate about what is already so, and are not wanting for that which is not so, we are consciously passionate.

This is the kind of passion I am interested in. These days I mostly endeavor for right now.

And I can not WAIT for right now.

Where do your passions lay? Here and now? Or elsewhere?

M.

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The Beauty Of The Wild Woman.

I saw a woman at the markets today. She stopped me dead in my tracks. Up rose the gentlest of affections, the simplest of longings, untarnished by the violence of the modern sexual psyche.

I mention her because she punctuated that shopping trip with inspiration for what I knew I was already going to write about today – the beauty in the wild woman.

I need not address what a wild woman is. However I would like to address men’s bastardisation of her, and our propensity, with boyishness, to force her to be masculine and then to leave her for what looks like greener pastures. What a joke. And I’m hypocrite number one.

At the temple my guru once told me that Krsna (God) is the energetic and Hare (Krsna’s female form and lover) is the energy, the supreme reservoir of all energy. The gate to life is between her legs, the source of all you see around you is in her womb. She is the creator. The divine mother. What have we done? … What have we done?

The feminine is the most violent of cesspits, delivered with gentlest touch. And yet at the slightest hint of unbalance, or a waver in the gentle delivery of her power, we become frightened little boys, and start throwing around ‘slut’ and ‘crazy’, using language and manipulation to undermine her stance and outwit her credibility.

When I hear a “man” tell me that his ex-lover was crazy it just says to me that he was too much a boy to handle her ferocity. Like a kid playing with a shotgun. Just a bad idea. Someone’s going to get hurt.

Let me ask you a question, you handsome devil, if she was inactive, complacent and disengaged, would she still charm you so? Would she still be so compelling?

This is what we are doing to the women in our lives with our inability to be men, and then leaving them for a more refreshing source of femininity elsewhere. And we wonder why it’s called “a man’s world.”

Her rage is a test. It is a calling. It is perfection beckoning you, it is your future knocking at your door. Her seething and the juxtaposition of the bat of her eye and the lash of her words is an opening, if you choose to take it, to being a real man. To being man enough that she can relax into her femininity and be radiant there. What the fuck would I know, though. I’m still a boy and a have a long list of women behind me that weren’t “enough.”

In reality, I wasn’t enough for myself so I used them to validate myself. I desecrated the walls of the temple on my way out. And wondered why God didn’t answer my prayers for the woman of my dreams. It’s actually farcical in retrospect. I guess that’s a benefit of growing, huh?

As discussed previously, the first access to being a man is discipline. If you can remain unperturbed by the outside world, including women, and continue to do what must be done, then you have begun the journey towards embodying Shiva, the divine masculine.

I’ll leave you with a picture of a famous Hindu statue – of Shiva (the divine masculine) and Shakti (the divine feminine). In this picture, Shiva is meditating, supreme presence, unperturbed, pervasive while Shakti is passionately making love to him in his lap. They exist is cosmic union while she allows all of the world’s feeling and energy to channel through her and acts it out in a divine dance of all that there is to feel and be. Despite this, Shiva is unaffected and cuts through her chaos with his masculine presence, allowing, and indeed further engendering, her beautiful wildness.


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This is so beautiful.

Unreal….

– M

Women.

A woman is an undeniably beauteous creature. A chaotic, distracting, oceanic, BEAUTIFUL, violent creature. And like the ocean, she is endless, expansive, sometimes still on the surface, violent at times underneath, with a wonderful world beneath the surface to boot.


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I could find no better an image that captured the spirit of my point than this.Β 

My teacher sometimes says that women are like a flag. They flap in the wind, here and there, following their feelings and being blown around by emotions and circumstances. In this freely flapping, I believe, however, is a mystic and transfixing beauty. Like a flag flowing in the wind, she is frolicking about, whipping and flapping and folding and delving into herself. He continues that a man is like the flagpole. He is strong, with stance anchored into the ground, unmoved, unperturbed by the wind or that which happens around him, and in this way he is a perfect anchor for a flag. A woman can depend on his strength and fly free anchored to her port in her man.

Women, however, largely end up flapping about on the floor rather than high atop the flagpole where the wind can catch her and she can dance in all her feminine beauty.

And men are often too flaccid a flagpole to reliably hoist a flag high to do her dance for any period long enough to be considered worthwhile hoisting the flag in the first place. This analogy is getting out of control.. And the scope of this post is broader than a diatribe on flags, I promise. (More on this in the next post)

Naturally, any male and any female can have any combination of masculine and feminine energy so appropriate this as is relevant to you and your life situation.

Far too much of what we do is for women. I’m not saying don’t do things for women. In fact, the biggest thing you can do for your woman is to stop doing everything for your woman. Bare with me.

It would be true to say that if Male X woke up in the morning to go to the gym (to look good for women), bought a certain hair product and styled his hair (to look good for women), paid money for clothes (for women), got in his car (that is more expensive and flashier than is practical… to pick women up in) to go to his job or uni that was selected because it sounds good (to tell to women) to save for a house of his own (because he can’t shag you at his parents’)… Male X is, in a remarkably unbalanced capacity, eliciting his sense of self from the arena of others’ opinions of him. Which are always out of his control, and in any case arbitrarily set by fashion houses, celebrity taste and the catalogues of tomorrow. It would also be true to say that in doing so, Male X is exhibiting a traditionally feminine trait – chaos. He is blown around by his need to impress, and thus is liable to be blown around by any other whim a female may have of him. This is not what a woman needs in order to be free to express her true femininity and bath Male X in the dulcet effulgence of her feminine radiance.

Here’s a new concept, Male X. Do it for you. Craft a life around honouring yourself and doing what must be done. Inside of this, you have become a flagpole. Unwavering in your commitment to what must be done, and pervasive in the knowing of WHAT and WHO you are – which comes from inside, and not outside, of you.

The trick with women, I think, is to notice that when you are not yet yourself a masterful man, it is all too easy to be sucked into the chaos. If you are not yet solid enough to be a flagpole and direct your woman with your loving presence and masculine strength, you end up bickering and investing in drama, story and routine. Instead, step back, practice your mastery, so that when you return you can do so with pizzaz. This is the tricky bit. As a wise man once said “Women: you can’t live with ’em, you can’t live without ’em.” You don’t have to live without them, just try not being so inside them for a while. Step back, bro. Look how arrestingly beautiful she is without feeling the need to destroy her.

It’s like a flower. Walk past it in the morning. Stop. Look at it. Know it smells sweet. No need to pick, no need to take with you and keep for yourself. No need to disturb. No need to destroy. Observe from a distance in the knowing that the smell is sweet without needing to act on it. In this way attraction can become beauty and the flower can stay beautiful, and undisturbed, forever

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When you can control this desire. When you can resist the need to act and circulate that attraction through your body, THEN you can see her blossom and bath in her radiance without being perturbed by the chaos. Then you are a man. Then you can have your woman but do not get lost in the cycle again by being the flagpole to have the woman. That’s a hidden backdoor trap. You do it for you. Because it must be done. Because you are a man, this is your mission. Mastery. This is all there is to do. The rest is bullshit. The rest is low-vibe. The rest is a waste of your time.

I’ll see you there.

Again,
M

if_the_sky_would_disappear2Artwork by Cameron Gray of Parable Visions

So you’re all grown up now.. time to BE it.

Did you ever think being an adult would look like this?

When I was 6 years old I was going to be a lawyer. When I was in year 12 I was going to be an actuary. I’m nearly 24 years old now, and I never even went to uni (properly).

I can wash my clothes, cook my food, and make a bed nice as you please.

But I’m still not an adult yet.

I can make a woman come as many times as I like, do my taxes, and talk politics if I need to. I know about health insurance, have had a business, managed offices for charities and gave up drinking and the party long, long ago.

And I am still a child.

I am, however, as interested now as I was as a 6 year old boy in how to ‘adult’ properly, and I’ve not yet made as much progress as I might have, thanks to the lure of the party many years ago, the open road not long after that, and the endless temptation of women thereafter – all of which I let stop me from doing what must be done.

But who cares about me. You care about you. And you, like me, could probably do with a Marauder’s Map for how to be an adult and skip the excruciating gnawing of trying to find your way in life with no idea how you got where you are or how to get where you’re going.Β  .. The irony of a children’s book reference in a piece on how to adult is not lost on me *wry smile*

All my life I insulated myself from responsibility. I never took out loans, never did anything that would tie me to any one place and never committed myself to anything truly long term. And instead I searched. I tried to find meaning in every nook and cranny and I delved into everything with enthusiasm including spirituality, activism, drugs, communes, backpacking and reading widely. In reality, I found very little apart from an elaborate story of world travel that I used to perpetuate the problems I’d gone looking to solve.

Let me tell you from first hand experience, what you’re looking for isn’t in South East Asia, it’s not at the top of the Eiffel tower, it’s not between the legs of a Parisian, either. It’s not on red double decker buses, it’s not in music festivals, it’s not in The Power Of Now, it’s not in sex. It’s not in sex. It’s not in sex. It’s not in sex. It’s not in sex. (It’s not in celibacy, either – although it doesn’t hurt along the way)

Where is it? I don’t know. But I do know that it’s not coming to me acting like a child, and it will only come to me when I step into my manliness and embrace what it is to be truly grown up. To take on some responsibility. To be self-reliant. To not borrow money. To not need to. To get my effing P’s. To get a house. To make it a home.

I have also recently learned that it wont come to me while I’m coming to it. Nothing you chase ever gets caught and kept. Truly. A flower doesn’t chase a bee, a flower blossoms and the bee comes, my teacher often says. So this is the access. To blossom.

What does blossoming look like in your life? Perhaps it’s to stop batting your eyes and expecting a man to solve your problems and make everything okay. Perhaps it’s to give up your independent women act and learn to trust and love a man and honour him as the man he can be for you. Maybe it’s to stop being mummy’s little boy. Maybe it’s to move out of home. It could be to get a financial plan in order, or to give up drinking. It could be anything. Whatever that thing you’re thinking of right now – that’s probably it.

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This bloke knows what’s up. Here he is with his 100 days sober medallion from AA

So.. we’ve got work to do, Major Tom.

Having stripped away bad food, alcohol, drugs, supplements, prescriptions, caffeine, smoking, sex, veganism (my most tightly coveted attachment), my girlfriend, friends that do not serve, Facebook, Instagram, modelling (for the most part), my music library, all but what was necessary of my wardrobe, porn, masturbation, self-help books, Landmark courses .. I’m feeling pretty fucking bare. I’m not sure that this is what being an adult looks exactly like for everyone, but for me this is it. Getting my life together. Doing it NOW.

More soon, the struggle is real.

-M