To be a man is concerning oneself with what there is to do, coming from a place of stance, solidity, and foundation, such that what there is to do gets done without the drama.
It’s to be HERE.
To give oneself up to the eternal flow of all things – towards perfection.
It’s a decision. No more. More of. Here. Now.
A little boy stood in my shoes for far longer than a little boy had business being in my shoes. Until very recently, in fact. He avoided responsibility, ran amok around the world, and fundamentally failed to understand the woman inside him, and was therefore ruled by her at the cost of his masculinity.
Now in deeper knowing, there is deeper loving for her, and all women, with no need to touch and destroy. In this, masculinity is presenced.
Every moment becomes an opening deeper inside yourself. It is to take that opportunity that the moment has presented, and to embark on an eternal quest within yourself, to greater serve yourself, and then those you surround yourself with. In that order.
It is an awakening to a deeper, truer matrix of truths and wisdoms.
To be so full of love as to be overflowing. Yet balanced and reserved in your appropriation of this love, however generous.
I saw a woman at the markets today. She stopped me dead in my tracks. Up rose the gentlest of affections, the simplest of longings, untarnished by the violence of the modern sexual psyche.
I mention her because she punctuated that shopping trip with inspiration for what I knew I was already going to write about today – the beauty in the wild woman.
I need not address what a wild woman is. However I would like to address men’s bastardisation of her, and our propensity, with boyishness, to force her to be masculine and then to leave her for what looks like greener pastures. What a joke. And I’m hypocrite number one.
At the temple my guru once told me that Krsna (God) is the energetic and Hare (Krsna’s female form and lover) is the energy, the supreme reservoir of all energy. The gate to life is between her legs, the source of all you see around you is in her womb. She is the creator. The divine mother. What have we done? … What have we done?
The feminine is the most violent of cesspits, delivered with gentlest touch. And yet at the slightest hint of unbalance, or a waver in the gentle delivery of her power, we become frightened little boys, and start throwing around ‘slut’ and ‘crazy’, using language and manipulation to undermine her stance and outwit her credibility.
When I hear a “man” tell me that his ex-lover was crazy it just says to me that he was too much a boy to handle her ferocity. Like a kid playing with a shotgun. Just a bad idea. Someone’s going to get hurt.
Let me ask you a question, you handsome devil, if she was inactive, complacent and disengaged, would she still charm you so? Would she still be so compelling?
This is what we are doing to the women in our lives with our inability to be men, and then leaving them for a more refreshing source of femininity elsewhere. And we wonder why it’s called “a man’s world.”
Her rage is a test. It is a calling. It is perfection beckoning you, it is your future knocking at your door. Her seething and the juxtaposition of the bat of her eye and the lash of her words is an opening, if you choose to take it, to being a real man. To being man enough that she can relax into her femininity and be radiant there. What the fuck would I know, though. I’m still a boy and a have a long list of women behind me that weren’t “enough.”
In reality, I wasn’t enough for myself so I used them to validate myself. I desecrated the walls of the temple on my way out. And wondered why God didn’t answer my prayers for the woman of my dreams. It’s actually farcical in retrospect. I guess that’s a benefit of growing, huh?
As discussed previously, the first access to being a man is discipline. If you can remain unperturbed by the outside world, including women, and continue to do what must be done, then you have begun the journey towards embodying Shiva, the divine masculine.
I’ll leave you with a picture of a famous Hindu statue – of Shiva (the divine masculine) and Shakti (the divine feminine). In this picture, Shiva is meditating, supreme presence, unperturbed, pervasive while Shakti is passionately making love to him in his lap. They exist is cosmic union while she allows all of the world’s feeling and energy to channel through her and acts it out in a divine dance of all that there is to feel and be. Despite this, Shiva is unaffected and cuts through her chaos with his masculine presence, allowing, and indeed further engendering, her beautiful wildness.
A woman is an undeniably beauteous creature. A chaotic, distracting, oceanic, BEAUTIFUL, violent creature. And like the ocean, she is endless, expansive, sometimes still on the surface, violent at times underneath, with a wonderful world beneath the surface to boot.
My teacher sometimes says that women are like a flag. They flap in the wind, here and there, following their feelings and being blown around by emotions and circumstances. In this freely flapping, I believe, however, is a mystic and transfixing beauty. Like a flag flowing in the wind, she is frolicking about, whipping and flapping and folding and delving into herself. He continues that a man is like the flagpole. He is strong, with stance anchored into the ground, unmoved, unperturbed by the wind or that which happens around him, and in this way he is a perfect anchor for a flag. A woman can depend on his strength and fly free anchored to her port in her man.
Women, however, largely end up flapping about on the floor rather than high atop the flagpole where the wind can catch her and she can dance in all her feminine beauty.
And men are often too flaccid a flagpole to reliably hoist a flag high to do her dance for any period long enough to be considered worthwhile hoisting the flag in the first place. This analogy is getting out of control.. And the scope of this post is broader than a diatribe on flags, I promise. (More on this in the next post)
Naturally, any male and any female can have any combination of masculine and feminine energy so appropriate this as is relevant to you and your life situation.
Far too much of what we do is for women. I’m not saying don’t do things for women. In fact, the biggest thing you can do for your woman is to stop doing everything for your woman. Bare with me.
It would be true to say that if Male X woke up in the morning to go to the gym (to look good for women), bought a certain hair product and styled his hair (to look good for women), paid money for clothes (for women), got in his car (that is more expensive and flashier than is practical… to pick women up in) to go to his job or uni that was selected because it sounds good (to tell to women) to save for a house of his own (because he can’t shag you at his parents’)… Male X is, in a remarkably unbalanced capacity, eliciting his sense of self from the arena of others’ opinions of him. Which are always out of his control, and in any case arbitrarily set by fashion houses, celebrity taste and the catalogues of tomorrow. It would also be true to say that in doing so, Male X is exhibiting a traditionally feminine trait – chaos. He is blown around by his need to impress, and thus is liable to be blown around by any other whim a female may have of him. This is not what a woman needs in order to be free to express her true femininity and bath Male X in the dulcet effulgence of her feminine radiance.
Here’s a new concept, Male X. Do it for you. Craft a life around honouring yourself and doing what must be done. Inside of this, you have become a flagpole. Unwavering in your commitment to what must be done, and pervasive in the knowing of WHAT and WHO you are – which comes from inside, and not outside, of you.
The trick with women, I think, is to notice that when you are not yet yourself a masterful man, it is all too easy to be sucked into the chaos. If you are not yet solid enough to be a flagpole and direct your woman with your loving presence and masculine strength, you end up bickering and investing in drama, story and routine. Instead, step back, practice your mastery, so that when you return you can do so with pizzaz. This is the tricky bit. As a wise man once said “Women: you can’t live with ’em, you can’t live without ’em.” You don’t have to live without them, just try not being so inside them for a while. Step back, bro. Look how arrestingly beautiful she is without feeling the need to destroy her.
It’s like a flower. Walk past it in the morning. Stop. Look at it. Know it smells sweet. No need to pick, no need to take with you and keep for yourself. No need to disturb. No need to destroy. Observe from a distance in the knowing that the smell is sweet without needing to act on it. In this way attraction can become beauty and the flower can stay beautiful, and undisturbed, forever
When you can control this desire. When you can resist the need to act and circulate that attraction through your body, THEN you can see her blossom and bath in her radiance without being perturbed by the chaos. Then you are a man. Then you can have your woman but do not get lost in the cycle again by being the flagpole to have the woman. That’s a hidden backdoor trap. You do it for you. Because it must be done. Because you are a man, this is your mission. Mastery. This is all there is to do. The rest is bullshit. The rest is low-vibe. The rest is a waste of your time.